Trivialities

I keep thinking about all the little, fleeting things that seem to be so important in the moment, but when compared to so many other things (death, starvation, other world issues), are so appallingly unimportant. Just under eleven months ago, my history teacher of the better part of two years died. He taught me way more than just history including how to be a good friend, a good person and how to have fun when there is too much stress in the world but still get work done. All of us who were in his class or knew him personally some other way were crushed, shocked, devastated. Others, even people who only knew him by sight and from hearing stories, were also sad and reached out to us. Even the school cooperated that day, postponing STAR tests and allowing those of us who were in his classes to simply spend the day in the park, talking, crying and generally mourning. I still miss him and very few days go by when I don't think about Mr. Carothers but now, I do not cry nearly so often. I prefer to think about what in my life would make him happy. Now, I think about the happy memories, rather than the ones after he left school. Today, after having a decent day at school, a wonderful afternoon with a great friend and a fun dinner with my ASL teacher, I logged in to facebook and saw the posts of my friends saying R.I.P Mr. Kang. Mr. Kang was a sixth grade math and science teacher at JLS who died very recently from cancer. Although I never had him as a teacher and unfortunately did not know him, I heard only good about him from my friends who are fortunate enough to have known him. My heart and thoughts go out to all those who knew him and are grieving now. This was another tough reality check for me, to realise just how little so many things actually matter in the grand scheme of the universe. With so many thoughts swirling in my head and signs flitting over my eyelids when I close my eyes, I could not fall asleep. Now, maybe, I will be able to drift into lala land and dream of glorious days in the park and Yosemite with Mr. Carothers and fun times at camp with my friends there.

Free Time

First and foremost, my sincere apologies for my seemingly scattered thoughts and if you cannot follow, do not worry. Allow me to tell you this. "Free time is an illusion. Its what you get when you die and the gods reward you for a life spent working from dawn until midnight." -Alanna; The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce. Between school, homework, ice skating, ASL and voice lessons, there are days when I have about as much free time as a page although I probably do get to spend more of it doing fun things. When I said tonight that I was wasting my life reading MLIA my brother, Joshua, told me to do something useful like write a blog, so I am. I am feeling inspired. Who knows how long it will last, but it is worth a shot to have a place to share my thoughts and a chance to improve my writing skills. It is also a wonderful procrastination tool -evil grin- We all have our dreams, mine do not happen to include school, particularly not high school in which I waste my precious time reading books without plots (Cannery Row), learning to analyze and dissect poetry (and books) beyond any extra meaning that the author put in and listening to teachers repeat the same lessons and the same admonishments day after day. What my dreams do include are publishing a recording of myself singing, spending more than the 2.5 weeks of allotted summer time with Gail and Sarah and Shawn, folding and stringing 1,000 paper cranes to donate to the Children's Hospital, crocheting or knitting a complete scarf and becoming a musical theatre star. Oh yeah, and seeing the world. All in my free time.